Category: Health

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Life, Love, and CNN

As many of you know my life is vast stretches of boredom punctuated my moments of random and moderately exciting events. (Yes, I altered the old war adage there, sue me.) Aside from the drunken woman inviting me to hang with Meryl Streep in November, not much has been happening as of late. I’ve been sick, unable to find a job, and generally just blah on the current state of things.

Though in January I decided to make the best of the blah, and have gone on a bit of self-improvement kick. I’ve been seeing a counsellor and recently began taking part in an ‘Anxiety and Panic Management’ group. I figured it’s time to get this Panic Disorder under control, so it doesn’t kick my butt quite as badly when I finally do find permanent work. I’ve also decided to give the whole healthy living thing a go (it’s all the rage, I hear) and joined a gym. I had my first session this morning with my dad’s personal trainer. It was painful (literally) but I’m going to do my best to keep it up. I think my dad’s persistence will help keep me in line.

I’ve also been doing some freelance comms work. I’m taking payment in the form of home-cooked meals, handmade gifts, sneakers, and rides, but at least it’s experience. And it’s keeping me busy, which is much needed.

In other news- Two loves of my life had birthdays this month. Sir Percy turned one, and my BFF Jacob is seven! Time sure does fly.

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Percy’s party was this past weekend, and we’re celebrating Jacob’s birthday in a few days. He’s requested to spend the night in hotel rather than have a party, and I’ve been invited to join. I’m excited to spend the special day with him and mum.

Going back to my original statement about bits of random excitement- I actually was hit with such a moment last week. It was no Meryl moment (really, what could top that?), but it was still pretty cool. I was contacted by CNN who asked if they could use some of my photos. It started out just on their iReport section, but the photos were liked by Travel department, who used them in an article. As a result I got a shout-out on CNN.com:

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Ah, my 15 minutes of fame! How fun you were.

Now back to the monotony. Oh, and I’m still waiting to hear about my eyes. //Groans in frustration//

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Let’s Talk About It

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My dad and I went to an event at Brock tonight called “Let’s Talk About It”, wherein a panel of students, parents, and nurses openly discussed mental health issues. It was really interesting, and well done. Three current students spoke openly about their struggles with different types of mental illness, the mother of a student discussed her experience both with her own issues, and being the parent of a child going through it (there was a recent article in the Review about them), and a nurse from Health Services moderated / answered questions.

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The whole thing was about an hour and a half, and anyone interested can watch a recording here. I was pleased to see that Brock’s relationship with students who are dealing with mental health problems has vastly improved in the years since I graduated. Not to say it was terrible back then, but it certainly wasn’t as good as it could have been. The event itself was put together by a committee that included Brock, CMHA Niagara, Niagara Public Health, and a student group called Active Minds.

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All of the speakers openly discussed their histories, victories, and loses with mental illness. It was incredibly emotional to listen to, and I give them so much credit for standing up there and doing it. I’m honestly not sure I could.

In saying that, I can’t finish a blog titled ‘Let’s Talk About It’ with an ‘Or not’ comment. I’ve always tried to be as open as I’m comfortable with, which has often meant writing over speaking. But I’m not sure I’ve really openly discussed my full experience before. I made a brief summary of it on Ending The Stigma, back before it crashed and burned. ‘Brief’ being the operative word.

So… *deep breath* …in the hopes of helping to break the cycle of silence, end the stigma, and ‘talk about it’, here we go…

Continue reading “Let’s Talk About It”

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3 Things

In an attempt to begin working my way out of my current rut, I’m putting myself on what I’m calling the ‘3 Things Weekly Challenge’. Every week I need to make a conscious effort to do each of the following (often difficult/scary) things:

  1. Make a decision / take an action that puts my health before anything else.
  2. Apply for / take action towards a dream job, regardless of the likelihood of success.
  3. Have a proper (non-email / text), honest conversation with someone about how things are going.

And when doing each of these things I’m not allowed to get myself worked up, be embarrassed, fear failure or judgement, or give up before trying.

I can’t say what positive changes this will make, if any, but I figure it’s worth a shot.

Also! Autumn is here! HUZZAH!

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Ouch (Redux)

I’ve had a couple of people ask me how I’m feeling, making me realize that I haven’t really said much about my health in awhile. And by ‘awhile’ I mean… 19 days. Has that really been it? Sheesh.

Anyway, following that last ‘whining about my health’ blog, I did not make it work the next day, or several days to follow. I wound up at the hospital, being pocked, prodded, and CT scanned. To be fair, I’m pretty sure the CT scanner was new and I was only given the test because the doctor was super pumped about it.

Last week I finally saw the GI surgeon, and it was an enormous waste of time. I was there for a grand total of 5 minutes, during which he told me: 1. My gastroenterologist was being irresponsible; 2. He didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes by ordering tests that should have been ordered by someone else; 3. He does not trust CT scans; 4. I’m probably going to develop colon cancer, just an FYI; and 5. Go back to my gastro, request the correct test I need for a GI surgeon consult, and once that’s done return with the results to my family doctor, who can then send in a new surgeon referral.

So, I should have some idea what’s happening by summer 2015. Treatment may begin the following spring. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised- It took nearly 2 years to be diagnosed with UC in the first place. And just when I had started to rock the emaciated look, too. Figures.

But not to be all Debbie Downer, there’s been some good this week past week. I ordered a new camera lens (OOOOOH) and this came in the mail yesterday:

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It’s finally starting to feel official! I’m done with grad school and will (hopefully) never have to deal with Humber ever again!

I also saw a couple of movies: ‘Hollidaysburg’ and ‘This Is Where I Leave You’. I highly recommend both.

Hollidaysburg is an indie film, and related to a docu-series called ‘The Chair’ that is currently airing. The premise of the series is that two first-time directors are given identical scripts, and the show follows where they take it. It’s really interesting to watch. The director of this film, Anna Martemucci, wrote a film that I saw awhile ago and really enjoyed, so it’s neat to watch her put on a directors hat. I also fell in anxiety/cry sister love with her when she said:

“I think that I’m probably going to cry a lot. And probably in front of people. And that’s okay.

I think that I can be a leader and still have emotion, so I’m struggling with the idea that I have to hide any fear or overwhelming-ness or frustration that I have because otherwise people will not treat me like a leader. Or not think that I’m a good filmmaker or something.

But, I don’t know. I call bullshit on that. I feel like I’m going to experience a lot of stuff and that’s okay and that’s part of this experience.”

As someone who has spent her entire life being judged for being ‘a crier’ I can’t tell you how happy I was when she publicly called out cry-shaming. Of course, I cried at work on Sunday because a guest was crying and no one believed me that that was a thing, so, 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. Ah well.

Here’s the trailer for her film:

I also went to see This Is Where I Leave You with my mom a couple of days ago. It was great, obviously (Fey, Bateman, win):

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Ouch

I’ve been at my new job for a week now. The actual work is pretty mundane, but the people are nice and the backdrop is gorgeous, so it’s been pretty good. Plus, getting out into the world on a regular basis has helped ease that rut I was in (who knew? /sarcasm). Unfortunately being able to leave the update there just isn’t my brand of luck.

I mentioned a couple of months ago that I was getting sick, but was so happy when I somehow managed to have a positive turn around in August. That laceration in my gut, which has been the bane of my existence since around February, was finally starting to heal on it’s own. Thank Thor! Sadly, after a month problem-free, it tore open again this past weekend and is bleeding more than ever before.

I’m not sure if the tearing is work-related, coincidental, or what. Regardless, it hurts and is making me feel terrible. And on top of that I’ve now gotten myself completely stressed out worrying about it. I ended up having a panic attack at work today, which aside from being beyond embarrassing, makes me look completely incompetent. It’s not easy to explain to someone who’s not familiar with anxiety that an attack isn’t necessarily related to what’s happening in the moment. The job is not stressful or anxiety-inducing, which I tried to say today, but ever since that incident at the Natural History Museum I’m paranoid. And that isn’t helping the stress either.

I have an appointment with the gastrointestinal surgeon in 2 weeks, so fingers crossed for some good news there. I’m not thrilled at the prospect of surgery, but it definitely beats the alternative.

For the moment I just need to focus on not freaking out about going to work tomorrow because I’m mortified about what happened today.

Beer me strength…

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Abandoned tram system in the woods at work